Catch Me if You Can
by Mother Nature's Daughter
Summary: When Legolas decides Aragorn needs a bath, Aragorn goes into hiding. Luckily, Legolas can keep up with his wily tricks: “I would have thought such a skilled Ranger from the North would come up with a better hiding spot than his own bedchamber!” A parody.


**Author's Note One:** So, this wasn't really meant to be a parody, just a small bit of humour, but as I was writing, things that would only be acceptable in a parody happened; and thus, in order to attempt to justify what you are about to read, I have dubbed it a parody and can only say… Read at your own risk, my friends. And if you survive to reach the end, I do so hope you've enjoyed it. Comments would be positively lovely, too, if you could spare this writer one. ;)

**Summary**: While staying for a bit in Rivendell, Legolas takes it upon himself to make sure Aragorn makes good use of the bathing tubs and water. But the thing is, Aragorn isn't really into the whole bathing thing. Fortunately, Legolas can keep up with his friend's wily tricks: "I would have thought such a skilled Ranger from the North would come up with a better spot to hide than his own bedchamber!" Slightly parodyish.

**Disclaimer:** Oh, dear lord, if anyone reads this and wonders afterwards if I was Tolkien….well, partner, I worry about you. The dearly beloved professor would never write anything like this. I'm sure he turned over in his grave at the mere notion of me writing it. :)

**Author's Note Two:** I know you feel like you got the wrong end of the deal in this, Aragorn, but don't be too mad. I still –love- you.

* * *

"**Catch Me if You Can"**

It was another beautiful day in Rivendell, because the author chose to make it a beautiful day, because that's the way she wanted and it's never really not beautiful in Rivendell anyway; and the Elf Legolas was in an excellent mood as he walked silently around the grounds and woods that make up the Elven place. He had come as a spokesman from the forest of Mirkwood, and he had traveled a long way. Upon his arrival the day before, he was greeted with warm meal and (even better to the Elf) a warm _bath_. It felt wonderful to be clean again; for in the past few days he felt he'd smelled worse than his father's horses back home.

Suddenly, Legolas sensed he was no longer walking alone. He paused mid-step, and turned—it wasn't a suspicious or threatening gesture, it was just a turn, because Legolas had been expecting to have a companion on his walk this afternoon. "Estel," the Elf said kindly to the man that appeared from behind a tree, "it has been too long."

A small smile played on the lips of Aragorn, the man Legolas addressed as Estel, and he replied, "Indeed it has, but we are both here now." Aragorn had just arrived in Rivendell yesterday, with three Hobbits in tow and another of his party already here, healing comfortably from a wound. He and Legolas had agreed to meet here this afternoon and walk together, making up for the time they were apart.

And so they walked together in comfortable silence, Man and Elf, shoulder to shoulder and side by side, until Legolas breathed in deep the scent of Rivendell…and something else.

"Dear Valar, Aragorn," he said with his nose wrinkled for effect; "don't take this the wrong way, but you smell terrible." His deep blue eyes studied him for farther flaw, eyebrows furrowed. The hygiene-valuing Elf scolded his friend: "have you not had time to bathe from your journey, Aragorn? Because even after a day in Rivendell you look as if you have only just arrived from a long journey through the wilderness."

Aragorn didn't take offence. "I _have_ just come from a hard journey, my friend," he said, "but I did not bathe yesterday when I arrived. There were other things to be done, and the dirt does not bother me."

_It bothers me._ Legolas shook his head at his companion and said breezily, "come now with me, since you have not yet bathed. A tub shall be drawn for your bath, and we'll have you looking clean (and smelling nice) in no time, Estel."

Even before the words were out his mouth, Aragorn was gone from his side and Legolas realized he was walking alone.

With a long-suffering sigh, he made his way in the direction his companion had gone: back to House of Elrond. He muttered in Elvish as he walked, and if anyone where to hear that understood the language, it would translate into something like the following: "Cowardly dog. You disgust me!"

-o0o-

"Mithrandir, you wouldn't have happened to have seen Aragorn running by a moment ago, would you?" Legolas said by way of greeting to the weary-looking old Wizard Gandalf when he approached him outside the House of Elrond. Legolas smiled as Gandalf did the same, though the latter looked a bit confused when he looked up at his companion.

"And why, pray tell, would Aragorn be running from you, Legolas?"

Legolas' expression went sheepish. "He looked awful," the Elf began, and talked faster when Gandalf's eyebrows went higher; "I suggested maybe he should go and draw up a bath…"

Gandalf began laughing; so loudly did he do so that Legolas was forced into silence. The Wizard laughed so heartily for such awhile that tears of mirth threaten to appear in his eyes. "That is one of the traits that differ you from Aragorn, my dear Elf," he said when his laughing has subsided, "our Ranger doesn't like to enjoy the pleasures of hygiene as much as you do."

The Elf nodded along with the Wizard's words; "I understand, Mithrandir. And am I correct when I assume you've seen him not?"

"You are."

-o0o-

When he really needed to, Aragorn could avoid being seen. He'd told the Hobbit Frodo Baggins that once, and it was completely true. When he didn't want someone to see him, they usually didn't. A wonderful skill he picked up while being a Ranger, it was. And he called upon that skill now, as he hid in one of the many rooms in Elrond's Grand House.

Actually, he wasn't really using his skill at all: he had another Hobbit, Pippin Took, guarding the door to the room he was hiding in as the Ranger paced back and forth. If someone were to listen closely, they would hear dark mutters as he talked to himself.

"Legolas wants to get me clean, does he? We'll see about that; he'll only be able to get _me_ in a bathing tub after I'm caught and bound. He shan't catch me, that's for certain…no matter how dear a friend he is to me, he won't see me clean until…until Hobbits stop eating six _billion_ times a day." While he meant no insult to Hobbits, Aragorn didn't bother to feel guilty over his words; instead he fell into a rapid slue of Elvish curses he'd learnt in the years he'd spent calling Rivendell home.

His pacing and mumbling came to an abrupt halt, however, when he heard the tiny voice of Peregrin Took call through door: "Strider! I don't know why you have me on the lookout for Legolas; but whatever it is I'm sure there's no reason to be hiding. Will you come out now?"

"No!" Aragorn hissed more harshly than he meant to, and made certain to soften his voice as not to startle the sweet little Hobbit. "Pippin, if you hear Legolas coming, speak up, won't you?"

Through the door, Aragorn heard the soft patter of Hobbit feet as Pippin walked closer. There was a sigh of defeat as he gave in to Aragorn's words. "All right, all right. I'll warn you, Strider."

Aragorn mumbled his thanks and resumed his unnatural pacing of the room.

-o0o-

Pippin Took was bored.

He liked Strider a lot, he really did, so when he had stumbled upon the Ranger in the hall and he had asked him to stand guard by the door and watch for Legolas—an Elf Pippin only knew vaguely by name—the young Hobbit did so willingly. But within fifteen minutes of standing by a door, doing and saying nothing, Pippin could barely stand it anymore. He wanted to go find his close friend and cousin, Merry Brandybuck, but hesitated to leave Aragorn.

"Strider," he called to the Ranger, not for the first time, "will you please come out now? This is pointless."

"Hush, Pippin!" The reply came, just like it always did, in a hoarse whisper that sounded angrier than the owner of the voice really was; "Legolas is looking for me, and if he hears you talking—"

"Your cover would be blown?" The voice that spoke held much amusement and mirth, and Pippin startled and whirled around from facing the door; craning his head up to peer at an Elf with long blonde hair. The Hobbit guessed correctly when he thought that this Elf must be the Legolas Strider spoke of.

Legolas, smiling in all his amusement, looked down at little Pippin and gave the confused Hobbit a friendly wink. "I would have found him sooner or later, anyway. You were right when you said it was pointless." He raised his voice to call through the door, even though he was certain Aragorn was already well aware of his presence. "I would have thought such a skilled Ranger from the North would come up with a better spot to hide than his own bedchamber!" he said mockingly, "I'm coming in Estel, and we're not coming out until you're bathed!"

-o0o-

Legolas did come in, but he certainly came out before Aragorn was bathed: in fact, he came out before he even _saw_ the Ranger. The Man had given him the slip before the Elf even suspected he'd try! Legolas was only ashamed of himself; he'd known Aragorn for such a long time he should have known he'd have found a way out. Besides, how hard could it be to come up with the idea of climbing out of the window?

Pippin was waiting for him when Legolas walked back out of the Ranger's room, the Elf still completely astonished at how he hadn't thought of Aragorn escaping before. "Erm, Legolas," the Hobbit began shyly, but when Legolas looked down at him and smiled, Pippin visibly relaxed; "Legolas, may I ask what you're trying to catch Strider for?"

"A bath," the Elf replied simply, "for he is in desperate need of one."

Pippin blinked a few times, contemplating this. "Can't he just take one himself, on his own time?" he said, feeling as if this were the most obvious thing in the world, "does he really have to be _caught_?"

Legolas laughed softly. "You have _no_ idea," he said; "for Estel, taking a bath 'on my own time' becomes taking a bath 'only when I'm so filthy Arwen refuses to talk to me'. I was hoping he would bathe before we get to that point."

Pippin had no idea what Legolas had just said, for none of it made any sense at all to him, but he decided not to say nothing about it. Not asking anymore questions meant he was free to go find Merry, and so that's what he did.

Legolas continued his search.

-o0o-

There had been a game played in the grounds and halls belonging to Lord Elrond when its habitants were considerably younger and more child-like: Aragorn, then known only as Estel, and his adopted Elven brothers often hid from one another for one of them to find; others, Legolas of Mirkwood included, had also occasionally joined in on the game when they were there.

This was what Legolas was continually thinking about as he walked silently through the halls he knew so well; many times he had been here, it seemed almost another home. He kept dwelling on the old memories of days long past and gone when he and Estel had hidden from the others, trying to recall every last nook and cranny they had considered their best hiding places. It was most likely Estel would be found in one of those secret places, for the Elf knew the Ranger surely had not forgotten them.

"All right, Estel," he murmured as he walked, "if you want to play child's games, that's what we'll do. But I will find you; may it take the rest of the afternoon or not, you will be found. You're good at covering your tracks, and though perhaps not as well as your own skills, I do have talent in uncovering them."

Legolas only had time to wonder vaguely as he looked and looked for his friend what the chances where that Estel actually heard him speaking, and how silly he must sound talking to man who was not there.

-o0o-

Aragorn, for his own part, was finding that it was a lot easier hiding in a closet when you're no larger than a Hobbit rather than the size of a full-grown man. If he did not desire to avoid his Elven friend's search so desperately, he would long since have abandoned the company of Arwen's clothes for the sunshine he had been in before climbing through the female Elf's window.

But he knew that Legolas would go everywhere on the grounds without so much as a thought; he was just as welcome in Rivendell as any of Elrond's sons. But if he stayed inside, the Ranger knew his friend would be far more cautious; there were places he surely would not venture: he, Aragorn, was hoping Arwen's bedchamber was one of them.

Not that the Ranger was entirely comfortable with his own presence here himself; he had known and loved Arwen for many, many years, but he hadn't been in her closet since he was small enough for her to find this amusing; seeing him amongst her dresses now, though, might just be awkward. Oh, how he hoped he would not be caught here…

But this just didn't seem to be Aragorn's lucky day.

At first, when Estel heard the door squeak open and footsteps walk in, he felt certain he was wrong and that Legolas had decided to look in the elleth's room after all. Strider automatically went rigid, sinking back deeper into the depth's of the closet. But it was only a few moments after that that Aragorn knew his first guess was wrong; he could clearly see through the tiny crack between the door the profile of none other but Lady Arwen of Rivendell.

-o0o-

Rapid mutters and mumblings of noises and no words were spilling from Aragorn's mouth at his surprise, and he sunk down to crouch on his knees and tried, if possible, to fade in even more completely with Arwen's clothes.

As it were, the female elleth was wholly oblivious to his presence, and without even looking for the smallest moment at her closet containing not only her clothing, she walked over to lay casually and comfortably on her bed, closing her eyes as if resting. There she stayed in complete silence for many moments, and it is the author's wish to build up the reader's non-existent suspense—and failing in that— but succeeding in allowing time for Aragorn's nervousness to develop into something near panic.

Still rather ignorant to her love's presence, Arwen finally did sit up and walk about her room. She had been contemplating what to do as she had laid down across her bed, and finally she had decided: she was tired this day, and wished only to rest; and though the day was still quite young, Elrond's daughter need not come out of her chambers until time for the evening meal. She could sleep now, and someone would be sent for her when it was time to make any sort of appearance.

This decided, Arwen, humming softly to herself a tune with no actual words, was slipping out of the majority of her clothing in exchange for her what she wore to sleep, when she heard a dull _thud_ issuing from her closest. She covered herself again quickly out of pure reflex, and whirled about to face the spot where the noise had been heard.

When no other sound came again from her closet, many others may have continued on with their business, certain they had only imagined the noise. But not Arwen. Her Elven hearing, keener than most, did not lie to her. And even if she would not have had the senses of her people, she still knew she'd not imagined anything. And of course, you as the reader know she had not imagined the sound either and you most likely know exactly what it is; that, however, is precisely what Arwen did not know, what had caused the sound, but she was very near figuring it out.

Wouldn't want to be a certain Ranger right now, huh?

-o0o-

It had been her changing that had done it. Aragorn could have hidden in that closet undetected and unnoticed until Arwen had left her chambers again. But when it became apparent Arwen was not intending on going back where she came from anytime soon, and it then became apparent what she was going to do, Aragorn grew the tiniest bit nervous. He had been stuck in a terrible predicament, watching Arwen like that; they were in love, yes, but not married. Elrond would've killed him if he'd seen anything.

The Ranger had knocked his head back with a barely suppressed groan of frustration at his predicament; and in so doing, the back of his head hitting the side of the closet caused the _thud_ which Arwen had then heard. He'd known she'd heard it because he saw her turn, and thus he had to bit back another groan, this one of nervousness _and_ frustration. He was so, so dead.

She had reached the closet now, her head cocked slightly in her curiosity, and stood staring at if as if it would reveal its secrets without her doing a thing. When, of course, it did not, being nothing more than a closet, Arwen opened it at the same time Aragorn jumped to his feet inside the closet; it would be less humiliating standing up looking down at her than sitting down looking up at her.

Unfortunately, he'd moved so quickly he'd hit his head again, and with a yelp containing more surprise than pain, stood rubbing his head with a grimace while Arwen studied him with barely contained astonishment.

"Estel?" she asked, arms folded, eyebrows raised. She looked like she wanted to say more, but her surprise kept her silent.

"'Lo, Arwen," Aragorn murmured when nothing else to say came to him; he looked at her, risking the tiniest of waves, and let the hand previously rubbing his aching head drop down to his side. He gave her a sheepish smile.

Arwen's astonishment had turned back into curiosity, and unless Aragorn imagined it, amusement. "And just what are you doing, Aragorn, inside my room—inside my _closet_, no less." She studied him, and her lips curled; "You're filthy!" she said, almost as if scolding; she grabbed him by the arm and pulled him quickly out from amongst her clothes, so he could not dirty them anymore than he already had.

"What are you doing in here?" she repeated, still holding fast to his arm, before he could say a word. Aragorn opened his mouth to tell her, to explain to her the dire circumstances in which he had been in her room, so that she could understand; before he could get even a word out, however, there was a knock at the door.

"Lady Arwen?" a familiar voice was calling, and the use of "Lady" may have been proof that, close friend though the voice was, he was being polite as possible to get the best result. "Are you in there? I need you to answer me one thing. I'm looking for Estel."

-o0o-

You, I am certain, have already guessed correctly as to the owner of this voice, because how many people can be looking for our Ranger at one time, yes? Well, the answer to that may very well be many, actually, but on this particular day in this particular tale, there was only one person looking for Estel, and we all know who that is.

"I am here, Legolas," answered Arwen after some pause, ignoring Estel for the time being and turning instead to face the door, though the Elf on the other side couldn't see her.

"And do you know where Aragorn is?"

Aragorn was shaking his head furiously, back and forth and forth and back and back and forth—at quite a remarkable pace, too. Arwen watched him doing this, perhaps confused, and Aragorn, afraid to make the smallest of sounds, just kept wagging his head, mouthing the word _"NO!"_ over and over again in time to his movements.

Perhaps it was the fact that, had Aragorn not moved inside the closet when he had, he would have found Arwen in a most uncomfortable situation; or maybe it was because he had just been in her room without her knowledge. But then it could also be that the elleth was just having a bad day—perhaps her father had borrowed her headpiece again. It could be that she was just feeling spiteful, or maybe there was something Aragorn had done to her long ago that we have no knowledge of that she had still not gotten even for. It could yet be all of these things, or a combination of a few of them. No one will ever be able to say for sure exactly what had caused the Lady of Rivendell to do what she did next.

She looked at Aragorn, who silently pleaded with her, and she looked at the door, who silently did not plead, because it was just a door. Then, and it has only been a second or two since Legolas asked his question, though it may seem longer than that thanks to the author's narrative, Arwen answered the Elf.

"You seek Aragorn, Legolas? Well, then, come quickly, my dear friend! He is here with me."

-o0o-

Arwen's words had hardly left her mouth before Legolas jerked open the door; Aragorn had but a split second's time to think to race away, and if it hadn't been for two things he could have possibly made it. The first being he was still trying to comprehend what Arwen had said, to wrap his mind about her betrayal; the second reason, also being the most effective, was that the Lady of Rivendell still clutched his arm from when she had pulled him from her closet.

Either way, Legolas entered the room at a remarkable pace; and he also had a grip on Aragorn's other arm before the Ranger had even batted an eye; this speed and agility annoyed him, mostly because it proved to be his downfall, and he scowled at his old friend and at Arwen, both of whom were smirking.

"So I have caught you at last, my friend," said Legolas with a laugh, "and with the unlikely assistance of Lady Arwen, no less." Here he directed a polite nod towards the elleth, who smiled in return; Legolas tightened his grip as she realised hers. "Come along, now, Estel," said the Elf, and Aragorn was still too bewildered at this turn of events to offer much resistance. He allowed himself to be led away much like a child would be lead towards punishment, looking no less eager than that child might have looked, too.

"And now you will be bathed and put into fresh clothes, Aragorn," Legolas was saying as they left Arwen behind in her chambers, "and you will see that it is not as bad as you would think, really. You may actually enjoy being clean, who knows…"

But Aragorn seriously doubted it.

-o0o-

And so it came to pass that Aragorn, son of Arathorn, also known as Estel, or Dúnadan, or sometimes Strider, and who will be known in the future as Elessar or Elfstone, and has even been called Thorongil once or twice, could be found scowling a short time later, dressed in clothes that did not smell like horse dung, with hair that was combed and that one could actually look at and guess as to the correct colour of it, with skin not covered in Valar knows what, and surrounded with the sweet, pleasant smell of cleanliness that he had not often had about him before.

And by his side, laughing, stood Legolas of Mirkwood, who obviously find much more pleasure in the state that Aragorn was in than was really called for. "You'll thank me for this one day, Estel," said the Elf, "I promise you."

But again, Aragorn seriously doubted it. And so instead of forgiving his friend, he merely stared daggers through him in a vain effort to kill Legolas with his own eyes; when this failed, however, and the Elf was still laughing, the Ranger told him, in no uncertain terms, just what he thought of him, where he should spend his time, and what he should do with it, finishing with a fierce threat.

"I know where you keep your shampoo!!"

The Elf's laughter died away as immediately as it would had someone flipped an off button….


End file.
